Whatever You Do, Don’t Finish Last at the Malört Chicago 5K

For some reason, we just keep coming back to this Malört shit.

Is it brewed in the fires of hell? Is it death in liquid form? Nobody knows, but somehow, it’s been an instant success in its hometown of Chicago, even though we all agree that it’s terrible.


The only ingredient that adds flavor to Jeppson’s Malört is wormwood, which makes me skeptical that this isn’t actually a Harry Potter potion that we’ve all been tricked into drinking by wizards disguised as bartenders. I mean, wormwood is used to brew the Draught of Living Death, so I don’t think we’re very far off here.

All besides the point. You too can take a shot of this disgustingly beautiful liquor at the Malört Chicago 5K on Saturday, July 27. Following the 20th anniversary of the Chicago Fire Soccer Club, they’ll be hosting this the Chicago Malört 5K at the CIBC Fire Pitch and Heineken Pub97 to support the Chicago Fire October 8th Committee and the Fire for Food drive, which benefits the Chicago Food Depository.


For just $40, you’ll receive a shot of Malört at the start and end of the Malört Chicago 5K race. You’ll also receive a dope T-shirt and 10-percent off your Pub97 tab. Yes, you have to take the shots if you’re going to participate. Especially the first one.

And, if you finish the Malört Chicago 5K in first place, you’ll get to take home a bottle of this stuff that would be in your best interest to pour down the drain. However, the loser’s prize is even better: two of your very own gag-inducing bottles of Malört. That’s the best incentive there is if you ask me.


To find more information and to sign up for the Malört Chicago 5K (bless your soul), buy your tickets. If you’re curious about the devil’s drink, you can check with Jeppson’s



Featured Image Credit: Inside Hook

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