First Date Etiquette For Dummies

‘Tis the season for love, and that stressful thing called the first date (dun dun dunnnnnn).

Unfortunately, first dates can get pretty hellish pretty fast, and all this could be easily avoided as long as you don’t insult your date’s literature major, or tell them that they have a nice ass, ten minutes into your salad.


So, while you get ready for V-day, let’s rehash. We gave you the Ultimate Valentine’s Day guide, and now we’ve collected a list of pet peeves from those who’ve had less-than-perfect first dates. Some of these should be pretty obvious, but I guess common sense is not always common.

These are the definite do-nots of all first dates.



#1. Don’t Be Late


Consider the mood automatically spoiled if you show up 30 mins late. We get it, it’s Chicago, but if you’re going to be late, let them know the moment you’ve realized.



#2 Keep Your Social Media Updated

Nothing says “Surprise, bitch!” more than showing up to your first date, looking like your profile pic’s parent.



 #3 Don’t Hug Them


If you’re just meeting your first date for the first time, it’s best that you don’t try to get a rub in. Seat down, please. Don’t touch your date. Let’s get through dinner first, then decide if you want to go there.



#4 No Compliments on The Body

Telling your date she or he has a nice ass over soup and salad is obviously not the way to go. This is not to say that you aren’t allowed to compliment, just don’t be a creep about it.


#5 If You Lick Your Lip or Wink, I Am Going to Scream

Please, just don’t be creepy.


#6 Stop Asking “Why Are You Single?”

“So, what’s a pretty lady like you doing single?”  is cause for a giant eye roll.


#7 Stop Looking at Your Phone

Nothing says you’re uninterested more than checking your phone through the duration of their childhood story. Listen to your date, no matter how painfully long their story may be.


#8 Don’t Over Do It

You might arrive at your first date and realize that you guys have zero chemistry, so it’s probably best if you keep it simple. Don’t do some over-the-top extravagant date. No need to waste more money when your date is just fine with dinner.


#9 Don’t Pick Your Nose

As surprising as this sounds, there are people who actually think its socially acceptable to pick their nose in front of people. Or scratch their balls. Or adjust a wedgy. I have to tell you, this is the surest way to have date running to the nearest exit sign.


#10 No Bad Hygiene

It’s hard to concentrate on your date’s joke when you can smell their odor from a mile away. There is no ethical reason to be musty or for your breath to smell when you’re on a date with someone. Don’t know why anyone would be this inconsiderate, but it happens. Keep some Tic Tacs and a pocket-sized deodorant with you at all times.


#11 If You’ve Brought Up Your Ex Twice…It’s Already Been Too Many Times

Instant red flag people. Keep your exes in the past, where they should be.


#12 Insulting Your Date’s Career Choice

Let’s not be jerks, people. You’re supposed to flirt with your date, not roast them.


#13 Don’t Make Comments on Your Date’s Food Intake, Meal, Calories, None of That

Let’s not make someone uncomfortable by telling them how many calories they’ve drunk in one coke.


#14 Don’t Plan Out the Future

Nothing says, “I’m creepy and will probably spend my night going through your ancient Insta photos” like this. Leave that to Joe.


#15 Don’t Talk About Yourself the Whole Time

There’s no I in We, and there definitely won’t be a You in Them if you keep it up.


#16 Netflix & Chill?

This type of language cannot and will not be tolerated on the first date. Millennials, keep yourself together for at least 30 minutes, thank you, next.


#17 Let’s Not Get So Hammered, You Start to Reveal Things You Wouldn’t Confess Even to Your Dog

Getting too drunk for your own good is a giant turnoff. Just don’t overdo it, people. Save sloppy drunk nights for a sloppy occasion, and this is not one of them.


#18 When Your Date’s a Sox Fan

Just throw the whole date away. Nothing more to be said there.


In conclusion: Don’t be an asshole and you’ll do just fine.