Ahh, the Crosstown Classic, the only baseball event in Chicago that can bring the entire city “together” for a weekend. And by together I mean, “pits half the city against the other in all out warfare.” For some, this is life and death. For others, this is a great opportunity to stuff your face with hotdogs and drink overpriced beer all day. For us at the Genie… well, it’s somewhere in between.
Whether the games take place within the friendly confines of Wrigley Field or U.S. Cellular doesn’t matter; you’re going to see these people regardless. The good news? The more beer you drink, the funnier they become.
1) The Statistician
Don’t make any bets with this guy. He knows Anthony Rizzo’s OBP from his very first Little League season, and he’s not afraid to let you know it.
If he’s said it once, he’s said it a thousand times.
3) Mixed Couples
He’s a Sox fan. She’s a Cubs fan. It’s on.
4) The Wild Card
He’s rocking a Sox hat and Cubs jersey, but who is he rooting for? Probably whoever’s winning.
5) The Catcaller
You might know him better as, “The Wasted Bleacher Guy Who Yells at the Center Fielder.”
6) The Inevitable Fighters
Guy 1: “Chris Sale sucks.”
Guy 2: “Hey man, you suck.”
“Whack, Wham, Bonk, Blam… Thud.”
7) Two Girls Who Talk About Anything but Baseball for Three Hours
“Like OMG, did you see Kim’s new selfie?”
8) The Guy Who Tries to Start the Wave and Fails
“A” for effort.
9) The Bleacher Ump
He critiques every single call the home plate umpire makes to the point where you’re ready to buy him a mask and (not so lovingly) throw him out on the field.
10) The Play-by-Play Guy
“Bet he throws a curve. Whoa, he went with a slightly different windup there. Inside corner… perfect. Oh, right in the gap. Will he get there? OMG, WHAT A PLAY!”
11) The Matriarch
This elderly woman wouldn’t miss the Crosstown Classic for anything. It may have taken her a bit to find her seat, but she showed up three hours early anyway. The heat? What heat? She brought her handheld fan that sprays water. Let’s play ball.
12) The Scout
“Bryant wouldn’t have gotten that one earlier in the season. He’s really growing into his role… Look at where Alexei is standing. That back foot needs to come forward just a bit. He’s dipping his shoulder too.”
13) Mr. Cub
No shirt with a big “C” on his chest. His buddy “U” just went on a beer run, but “B” and “S” are holding it down.
14) Mrs. Cub
She loves her Cubbies, and it shows. She has a Cubs logo painted on her cheek, and her hair is in a ponytail coming out the back of her Cubs hat. She knows more about the team than everyone in her section, and all the nearby Cubs fans love her for it.
15) The Big Hurt
He’s BIG. No doubt about it. He’s also silent, but you can tell he’s enjoying the game. The normal-sized Cubs fan next to him starts to cheer every now and then, but when looks over and sees the Big Hurt staring into his soul, the cheers are usually cut short.
16) Shoeless Joe
He’s passed out drunk in his seat and fans of the opposing team are drawing on his face with sharpie. Sportsmanship at his finest.
17) The Ringleader
A quick look around will tell you he’s outmanned and outgunned in his section, but he came here to see a White Sox win, and dammit he’s gonna see a Sox win. This guy bleeds black & white, and his echoing cheers show it.
18) The Pride Crew
They’re kind of like the Ringleader, but there are at least five of them. Hate it or love it.
19) The Sportsmen
Their clothing says they should be enemies, but these guys are buying each other beer and enjoying the game together. You overhear a few gentle barbs here and there, but it’s all in good fun.
20) The Hawks Fan
Nothing like showing up to a baseball game in a sweater, right?
Let’s go (Insert Team Here)!
Can’t get enough people? Check out the 15 People You’ll See at Lollapalooza.
Photo Credit: Sarah and Siobhan Take Chicago via https://sarsiotakechicago.files.wordpress.com