New York’s Douchiest Bars
They’re the guys spilling a little vodka redbull on their untucked, white button down at the bar. Ya know, the ones whose mid-brand body-spray you can smell from a mile away? They’re the ex-frat-stars, the dudes who you’re pretty sure have graduated from college but have yet to fully graduate from chugging Natty Light on a Saturday morning.
Yup, that’s right. We’re talking about douchebags.
Like any major city, New York is home to its fair share of grade-A douches. And though you’re practically guaranteed to find one or two at any bar in the city, there are some places that are just chock full of them. Lucky for you, we’ve found out which ones.
Here are the hands-down douchiest bars in NYC.
40th East 4th Street
A pretty average grill during the day, BBar transforms into something of a d-bag mecca at night. Drawing in assholes from all corners of the city, this sports-bar/tavern is known for having a line of Vineyard Vines clad twenty-somethings long enough to wrap around the block. Picture the type of guy who would spend 25 minutes talking about that time he “interned at JP in 09” – that’s who you can expect to find at BBar.
If you don’t believe me, take it from one Yelp reviewer who said, and I quote…
“Wall-to-wall frat boys and sorority girls, $11 drinks, and a massive patio space. B Bar’s biggest charm is that the bathroom door is actually a portal directly to senior spring prom. Loud compliments about rompers (“it’s so cute that I hate it”), flasks passed around, the muted sound of retching, and an indifferent bathroom attendant watching rich white girls behaving badly. Pat O’Brien’s in New Orleans is a superior portal to prom as it functions on weeknights as well, but this will do in a pinch.”
Yikes. Just yikes.
513 Third Avenue
Personally, I feel that this photo speaks for itself. But if you require an explanation, Joshua Tree is a half-assed 80’s themed dive packed end-to-end with a barely 21-year-old crowd trying (and failing) to prove that they can handle their liquor. This Murray Hill spot is one of those places that might be fun if you weren’t slightly ashamed of being there in the first place. Add in a few bad, EDM remixes of “Ignition” and we’ve hit the douchebag jackpot.
“If you are looking for a frat bar where guys outnumber girls 3:1, enjoy the tiniest the shots, puke all over the toilet and the very real possibility of having your drink spiked than I highly recommend Joshua Tree as your next venue.”
289 10th Avenue
Okay, okay. So Marquee does pull a big-name DJ now and again. But apart from that, this club is practically douchebag heaven. Serving $21 shots and $20 mixed drinks, this blacklight hell hole is littered with coked-out renditions of your favorite Wall Street bro. With absurdly strict bouncers and a cover charge hovering around 30 bucks, Marquee is one of those “you have to get bottle service or it won’t be fun” type clubs. Oh, and did I mention this bar is a favorite of one mister Scott Disick? So there’s that.
“Essentially, places like this call for and deserve the kind divine retribution that befell the biblical cities of Sodom & Gomorrah. The Bablyonian decadence of places like this (and the airs of elitism and douche-baggery) are some things that this world can do without.”
149 2nd Avenue
The name of this bar literally comes from AA’s 12 step program, as in, if the 12 steps don’t help you, then this spot would be your 13th step. Cringe.
And unfortunately, this East Village spot isn’t just douchey in name alone. No, with an often underage clientele, mysteriously sticky floors and regular reports of vomit from the bathroom, this joint pulls in d-bags like moths to a flame.
I’ll just leave this review here:
“Holy Batman I’ve hit the holy grail of bro bars.”
205 Chrystie St
You don’t even need to go to Rochelle’s to understand how douchey it is. From the half-naked girls plastered all over their Instagram page to the bartenders t-shirts that read “dating in NYC is like finding a needle in a whorestack” this bar reeks of faux-hipster douchery.
Of course, to be fair to Rochelle’s, we should also mention that it is ranked among our list of the Best Hook-Up Bars in New York. But still.
“A slightly upscale 13th step – with 70s porn viewing in the back! Went here on a Saturday night with Mike B. and we both hated our drinks. They just tasted wrong, and were way overpriced for the quality. Atmosphere was cool but made me feel old, everyone there looked freshly 21!”
With multiple locations across Manhattan, The Ainsworth is the ultimate New York Douchebag Bar. With overpriced drinks, a crowded rooftop and weird half-sports bar half-upscale-dinner decor, The Ainsworth perfectly matches that trust fund asshole vibe you’ve been trying to avoid for years. Imagine, if you will, that polo-wearing, Hamptons going ass you hooked up with sophomore year. I guarantee you that he looooves The Ainsworth.
“Do you wear business casual or better to work? Is the cheering of Yankee fan finance bros your preferred soundtrack? Are you fond of long waits for drinks you pay too entirely too much for? Well, have I got a place for you.”