Table of Contents
Distance often comes with growing up. But just because friends and family get separated by a few miles (or a few hundred) doesn’t mean you don’t want to support them when they’re struggling with sadness, grief, or loss.
This distance makes it even more important to understand exactly what your loved one needs when it’s time to reach out and show you care in a way that feels like you’re showing up. The good news is you have options. And the most important step you can take now is to reflect on which one might be best for you and your friend.
1. Practical Support
If you’ve got a friend who’s notorious for not taking care of themselves, you can show your love and support by taking care of them from afar. Think about it: when you’re hurting, often the last thing you want to do is make a meal or clean the house. Your friends are most likely the same. Be the practical one by signing them up for a meal delivery service, so they just have to heat the meal up and not worry much about the clean-up. You could also arrange for a cleaning service to come to their house, which could help lift their spirits by giving them a refresh.
2. Self-Care Package
Many people grieve in a way that makes them seem like a person who’s got it all together. So they pay the bills, make the meals, and get the kids off to school. But inside, they might be suffering tremendously in ways everyone around them can’t see. For friends like this, one of the best sympathy gifts might be a self-care package. You can put inside all the little things that will remind them to take a moment for themselves, like bath bombs, lotions, and candles.
3. Comfort Care Package
You can take a self-care package a step further and turn it into a comfort care package. The difference between these two is that comfort goes deeper for people who know they just need to sit and grieve. Some people are really good at taking care of themselves, and you could acknowledge that by helping them get to that comfortable place. You can send items like a warm blanket, their favorite tea, and a thoughtful mug. It might feel like you’re right there with them, offering a hug.
4. Memorial Keepsakes
If you’re particularly close to the person, you could offer an opportunity to reflect on the good times. Sometimes, when a person is grieving, they can’t remember a time when life was happier. Especially if they’ve lost someone close to them, it can be hard not to see everything now as bleak. You could put together an album of photos from all the wonderful experiences they’ve had in life, including with a lost loved one. Or you could put keepsakes from more joyful times in a nice box, and send that with a handwritten note of your memories.
5. Concrete Grief Support
Sometimes, people in grief want to find ways to work through their pain. Particularly if some time has passed, and they feel like they can’t move on, they may be seeking deeper healing. If your friend tells you they’re in this headspace, you can provide support in several ways. You might send some of the best books on healing from grief. You could offer to help them find a grief support group. Or, they might even let you pay for a therapy session with a professional who specializes in grief.
6. A Donation to Their Cause
But what do you get for the person who has everything? Or the friend who doesn’t want any kind of support because they’re “fine?” A great option for your loved one who’s “got it all together” could be a donation to their cause. If your friend lost a loved one to an illness or is struggling with mental health, consider donating to an organization researching that illness or a charity they’re deeply involved in. Donate in their name, and send a note letting them know you’re there to support them in any way you can.
7. A Healing Experience
Finally, one of the best ways for many people to heal from grief is to remove themselves from their situation entirely, even for a few hours. It can feel dark and gloomy in their house, in their room, lying in bed, grieving. You could offer to send them on a grief retreat for a weekend, pay for a spa experience for a day, or even plan a trip with them somewhere fun. Gentle reminders that they’re not alone and life can still be joyful can go a long way.
In the end, you’ll want to take your cues from your friend, of course. The right gift can go wrong if you send it to someone who’s not in the right headspace to receive it. Take time to think about your friend, what they love, what they need, and how you can best support them in this time. Sometimes, the best gift you can give is a phone call, a handwritten note, or even a quick text that says, “I’m thinking of you.” Showing up for someone we care about takes many forms.